I feel, do you?

"i hurt and i'll hurt you. so go away."

how does one let go of the want for revenge? how does one accept what was done to them, and not want to do it to someone else? how does one move on?

Today, well actually the last few days, I have been very unhappy. I couldn't really put my finger on why, but I know it had something to do with this girl. With this being a public blog, I won't name names but I am going to explain. This girl, I don't know her. I have never met her, or even seen her in person. Explaining what led me to find her on the web and why I was so stuck on her is too complex and personal. But just take it that we have something big in common, and listen to what I proceed with.

I read her "about me" on myspace, and I know she hurts. I can't understand why, but it is almost like I feel her hurt. I want so badly to help her, to help everyone. But I know that is not within my power. Maybe she doesn't want help, maybe she doesn't need it. Maybe I'm just trying to fill my own emptiness by trying to solve hers. It's hard to explain everything without explaining everything, if that makes sense? But I guess what I am getting at is that I feel things that are so profound. I can pick out random people in a crowd, and I just stare at them. I know they have a story, and I so badly want to read it. Or maybe, it's that I so badly want to write it. I can absorb the feelings of people that surround me. Whenever I'm with a friend, and they are venting or whatnot, I feel like I know exactly what they feel...even if I don't. By no means am I always right, but I would venture to say this is my talent. My purpose on this earth.

At times, when I read, and re-read this girl's profile, I wonder if what I feel is a longing to be her. To experience the things she has, just so I can have that story. Or maybe it's all in my head, and she doesn't have a story. But then I question myself, doesn't everyone have a story?

Sometimes, I get anxious when I think of how strongly I feel about everything and everyone. In alot of ways, the fact that I love my friends with all my heart and give them everything I've got to give seems like it would be a good gift to have. But in reality, the fact that I love too much always pushes everyone away. Sometimes I wonder, if maybe I should just stop loving everyone. Isolate myself from the world, for the sole fact I would never get hurt. That is no way to live though. In the end, I really just tell myself someday I will meet someone that actually wants my help, and needs my love. And that, I accept to be my purpose on the earth. What's yours?